Something In A Friendship

I'm aware two months is a very long time but hello :)

Today I wanted to talk about a friendship that has had an extremely large impact in my life this last year. I was friends with this guy, I might even dare to use the words best friends. We saw each other every single day and when we didn't see each other we would talk on the phone for hours, all the good stuff. My biggest problem with him was that I never actually felt like I meant that much to him. He meant a lot to me, he was my best friend after all, but it just seemed so easy for him to ditch me for his other, friends. Friends he had known for a longer time. The thing about me is, if I don't have somebody's undivided attention I feel left out. If you knew me, you'd know that I'm cool enough to deserve that. <--Self love, we gotta have it folks :)

So we were friends for about two years and this summer, a week after my graduation (he's a year younger than I) we got in our 683rd fight. This was not like any other fight we had been in before, the details are unimportant. the sparknotes version is that he ended the call telling me to forget about him. I was devastated. My best friend during the latter half of high school had just told me he wanted nothing to do with me. It was extremely difficult for me to understand the natural cycle of friendships because this had never happened to me before (Like I said before, I'm pretty awesome)

I spent the whole summer thinking about him everyday, going into stalker mode, sending texts, snapchats, facebook messages...even emails. All were lead to no response. I couldn't be in my house without thinking about him. My room was the worst place because that's where I had gotten the news. I kept myself distracted during the day by hanging out with my other friends, it worked...for a while.

I went off to college and sent him a final message. No response. The thoughts started decreasing, I'd only think about him a couple times a week as opposed to a couple times a day. And then about two months ago I saw that I had a voicemail on my phone. It was my best friend who had abandoned me. I had no idea how to respond, my life had been virtually drama free up until that point. I returned his call because he meant a lot to me. We talked for a while and I believe by the end of the conversation we decided to be friends again....That's what I thought.

The friendship is completely different now. I'll text him occasionally and he'll respond even less frequently. It's just the weirdest thing in the world. Going from talking to somebody all day everyday to barely being able to send a couple of messages back and forth. It still hurts my heart to think about.

Even though this situation has probably provided me with the most confusion in my life, I am extremely grateful for it. It has taught me that not everything will turn out the way you expect it to. Relationships with other people will change and you literally can't control it. You just have to go along for the ride and see where it takes you.

That's the something about friendship. There's something worthwhile in every single one, no matter how deep, no matter how long. There's something they can teach you, just be patient for the lesson to come.

 
PS- I realize that I have probably painted my friend to be quite the douchebag in this post but just remember, there are two sides to every story and I wouldn't want to discredit his.

Something like College

Wow, so much for dedication am I right? I apologize to my incredibly high readership for not posting for two months. But let me tell you about the last two months in one word. Amazing.

Don't think for a second I forgot about this blog, there were times that I really wanted to get back to it. Get back to exploring the "purpose" in life or whatever you want to call it. The thing is, I have not had the time to just sit in collect my thoughts and formulate them into meaningful strains of words.

That's the thing about college, you have to spend so much time thinking that you don't really have the time to actually think. There's always another page to be read, another paper to be typed, another 5 minutes of sleep to have...Bottom line, college is busy but I don't think I've wasted a single minute of it.

I moved to Iowa State on August 19th. What a day that was, leaving home, saying goodbye to my best friends, everything. The strange thing about all of that was that I wasn't upset about it one bit. Sure I knew I was going to miss my friends and family but I was way too excited for all the new experiences I knew I would have in college. And those experience have been great.

Going to a state school just under an hour away from home really didn't give me an excuse to be homesick, sometimes it feels like my entire high school just came up here. Other times it feels like an entirely different world. Rather than go through every experience I've had, every friend I've made, I'm just going to talk about some random things that I've learned.

Public Transportation: It's extremely useful, if you can figure it out.

Homework: Take your time on it and you might be okay, this isn't high school, copying during the free period before just doesn't fly anymore.

Studying: Let me know.

Group Projects: You can meet some cool people and also the people with whom you don't want to be stuck on a desert island.

Jobs/Careers/Future: You have a major but you can do so much more.

There are definitely things that can be added to this list as well as things that clearly need to be expanded upon. Hopefully that can be the topic of future blog posts. Don't worry, you didn't get rid of me just yet!

I apologize if you are offended by the lower level of diction being used, I'm in college now so I don't have the time to exert myself in thing of profound things to say in profound ways. Also, I'm 17 years old, bye. :-)

Something In Chicago

I have spent the last three days in Chicago with three of my oldest friends. The kind of friends you make in middle school and then don't really hang out with much in high school but you know you're always there for each other. With those friends I took a 5 hour trip to the windy city with the main purpose to see the Beyoncé and Jay-Z concert. If there's one thing you need to know about me it's that I love me some Beyoncé...and Taylor Swift, weird combination but they're probably my favorite famous people. While I'd love to go on about that and the many fun things we did in America's third largest city I'll try to make these posts more concise because like I said, I'm no philosopher.

You learn a lot about people when you are forced (choose) to spend a lot of time with them. We all know that no two people are the same but it was just kind of crazy realizing how different our personalities had seemed to become and uncanny how similar they actually were. We really are a reflection of where we come from. We can be shaped by whatever current situation we are in but the way we view whatever we are faced with can have roots in our past. I'm not saying that your past has to label you for the rest of your life, just that it is an almost inescapable factor that will probably always have even the smallest impact on your decisions and attitude. I am happy that I was able to see first hand how what my friends have been experiencing have turned them into some of the most amazing young adults I know. I am also ecstatic to know that I have been a part of shaping into the great people I know they'll become.
 Maybe I'm giving myself too much credit but hey, I have to get my plug in somehow!

The thing about change is that it is inevitable. It can happen slowly and without you ever really noticing it or you can find the exact moment. In school they always tell you that whatever you're doing is going to prepare you for the "real world." While that may true on some levels, most students realize that it is a lot of BS. (Tell me if I'm going to have to take this back sometime.)  Over the last three days I have been experiencing the "real world." A stipulation that comes with growing up is the need for money. Gas, hotels, concert tickets, food, and taxis all start to add up. Saving and budgeting so you can splurge from time to time is an essential that I have learned. We also had to plan out a road trip and navigate around Chicago. CHICAGO. Planning is not something that I am exactly good at. We quickly learned that we would end up walking a lot to get around. For the most part we made it out alright, and nobody ran out of money. The most difficult part was when we were leaving the J+B concert (NOT to be confused with Justin Bieber) and we were unable to catch a taxi, we had to walk the 3 miles from Soldier Field to our hotel. It wouldn't have been too difficult if we weren't relying on all our phones which had all died from endless snapchat stories. Long story short we got lost. Tensions rose and nobody was having a good time wandering up and down the downtown streets of the murder capital of the midwest at 1:30 AM. I couldn't help but laugh during the entire thing. Laugh because we were lost, laugh because everyone was so angry, just laugh. And I think that's important, sometimes during your search you just have to take time to realize how funny your life can be. It may be funny in the, oh I shouldn't be laughing, sort of way, but funny nonetheless.

Something

Everybody tells you that the years you spend in college are going to be the best of your life. But, didn't they say that about high school? And won't they say that about your '20s? I don't really understand the need of human kind to dictate when it is that you can have the best time of your life. Sure, right now I'm young and have my entire life ahead of me, but why is it that in this moment (well over the course of the next 4 years) I'm supposed to have as much fun as I possibly can. I want to live my the entirety of my life as if each "section" is the "best." I mean, after college ends does life get significantly less enjoyable? Yes, the actual responsibilities start to set in, real jobs, rent, bills, and maybe even a family but I am positive I will find a way to not only deal with it, but conquer it. I refuse to believe that all of my enjoyment in life is going to have to come from a specific section from which I'll have to draw upon whenever I am in need of a reminder of what fun is. I am a big believer making the most out of any kind of situation because to me, there is no use wasting time that can be spent doing…something, enjoying…something, living for…something.

I suppose the key thing to life is finding out what that something is. Endlessly searching for that something should not be what takes up your entire life. Hopefully it doesn’t because the sooner you can find that something, the sooner you can live your life with that something in your mind.

Before you go off thinking I'm some self-righteous philosopher I should probably introduce myself. My name is Jaleel. I'm a 17 year old guy from a small suburban town in Iowa (don't be fooled, I've never stepped on a farm a day in my life). I just graduated high school two months ago and I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of this "new chapter" everyone calls college. I'm not proving a point with my college experience and moving halfway across the country, I'm simply going to a large public university less than an hour away from my current residence. From my limited college experience thus far I have learned that a major practically defines a person. I find it interesting that we decide that we are able to tell so much about a person based upon the kinds of classes they intend on taking in college. Based on something that changes 50-70% of the time. If you do choose to attach a person's worth into a major it is nice however to realize that people change, a lot (3 times in the first two years of college according to some statistics). Having said all that, I'm majoring in French. What does that say about me? Je ne sais pas. I used to want to be a French teacher but that interest has changed even before packing a single bag for college. I'm sure I'll add on a second major in Political Science or tack on a minor in Spanish or International Studies.

I guess I come off as confused, I really would just love to do so many different things with my life. The easiest way to do that is to start somewhere I suppose. So this is where I intend on beginning my hopefully short search of something. At 17 years of age, right here, in my bed, in middle of nowhere, Iowa. Let's go.